Just when you think it's safe....

.... to go out on the porch..........

We haven't seen a snake in what....? two days? three? I've been wearing my boots every time I have to put a foot into the grass outside, and I've been very cautious as I walk in the grass, even with the boots on. I'm looking down so much that I will probably walk into a fence or smack into the side of the garage or the cottage.

Just a little while ago..... I was in the kitchen by the screen door, talking to my husband who was on the back porch. And what did I see out of the corner of my eye? A snake? No. A tarantula. Not a little bitty spider, but a tarantula. A big one. Black, hairy, just sitting there on the back porch right near the door. And there was Gatsby, my so-called-fearless outside cat, just a few feet away. Did Gatsby see the tarantula and chase it away? Of course not. Gatsby was sound asleep.

Wasn't it just yesterday that I told my husband that I don't even want to read a book on the back porch anymore because I'm afraid a snake is going to slither by my feet, or worse, drop down from one of the porch columns to see what I'm reading. My husband said I'm letting my fears control me. He said my imagination can cause more harm than the facts. I told him that I knew all of that, but I didn't care.

As I type, my husband is in the car, along with the tarantula that he captured in a plastic container. He's driving the damn thing up to the main highway so he can release it. I hope he makes sure that the damn tarantula doesn't have a map with directions back to our porch. Had that been me, I would have whacked that thing with the shovel, or sprayed it with an entire can of bug-spray (which is what I did last year when I saw a tarantula on the back porch).

So now.... not only am I going to be looking for snakes in the grass, I'm going to be searching for tarantulas on the porch. And if there's one tarantula, there's got to be two. Or three. Or an entire tarantula family. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

And my husband wants to know why I don't let Mickey Kitty and Sweet Pea go outside anymore....... is he freaking kidding me?!

Give me a blessed break from all things crawling, slithering, creeping, sneaking, stalking in these creature-filled hills.