Rodeo food.

While the rodeo is in town, The Houston Chronicle is covering every last little detail of it-- from the events to the concerts, the competitions to the vendors, and the all-important, revenue-raising food. Every heart-wrenching, artery-clogging, blood-pressure-soaring type of fried food can be found at the rodeo. And every year, the food vendors come from all over the country to try and out-do (and out-sell) each other in sending your body into cholesterol and fat-studded overdrive.

This year's most talked-about addition--- Chicken Fried Bacon. From what I see in the Chronicle, thick slabs of country bacon have been dipped into a thick pancake-like batter, then deep-fried in oil. (Do not try this at home.) Also on the rodeo menu are deep-fried Oreo cookies-- same thing... Oreo cookies dipped into a batter, then fried up till they're crispy. (Do not try this at home either.)

And, if your heart and your conscience can stand it, there's always Cheesecake On a Stick-- thick slabs of cheesecake, thoroughly coated with melted dark chocolate, then frozen a bit. According to The Chronicle, you can also get slices of Key Lime Pie on a stick-- how did they do that? Even when frozen, a slice of Key Lime pie isn't as dense as cheesecake. And when the temperature gets past 80 degrees (which it is today) you'd better be eating that Key Lime as fast as you can or you'll be wearing it. You can also get Pizza On a Stick at the rodeo this year-- they describe this as looking like a thick, flat beaver-tail stuffed with cheese and studded with pepperoni. Well, doesn't that sound appetizing. Give me a blessed break.

If you'd like to be both patriotic and ethnic, then you can find the Texan Italian Ice vendor-- red, white, and blue Italian ice served in a styrofoam cup. I've had "Italian" ice in Texas-- it tastes like pureed fruit with lots of added sugar and an overload of ice crystals.... nothing Italian about it.

In general, whatever food can be skewered onto a stick can be found at the rodeo--- sausages, alligator meat, shrimp, pork and beef slices, and the southern-famous "Corn Dog" (a plain old hot dog smothered with a blanket of cornbread). I love good homemade cornbread, but I haven't eaten a hot dog since my 30th birthday.... I don't care what they wrap around that mystery meat.