Family charms.

For my cousin F's birthday last year, I sent her an Italian charm bracelet. F isn't really a jewelry person, but an Italian charm bracelet is perfect for someone who isn't into fancy-dancy dangly jewelry but who likes things that are commemorative. With the Italian charms, you can pick out the sterling silver links which have zillions of designs on them, making the bracelets intensely personal.

F loved the bracelet and quickly got into the Italian charm bracelet craze, big-time. She found all the web-sites on her computer and she was adding more charms to the starter-bracelet that I sent to her, plus she made one for her daughter C's birthday. When her daughter's bracelet was done, F got an idea to make a "family bracelet," with charms for my grandparents and their children. I thought it was such a great idea that we both did it, then compared the charms we picked out for each person in the family.

On my family bracelet, I spelled out the family name in block letters. I learned long ago never to forget who you are and where you came from, so the family name on that bracelet has a special meaning for me. Next to the family name is an Italian flag, simply because my grandparents were immensely proud of their heritage even though they worked so hard to be American. My grandfather's charm is a deck of cards.... he loved playing cards with my uncles (his sons) and every afternoon, Grandpa sat at the kitchen table and played Solitaire while my grandmother had a cup of tea. For Grandma's charm, there is a skein of yarn and a crochet hook... she loved, loved, loved to crochet and made countless doilies and tablecloths and shawls over the years for all her daughters and the wives of her sons. Next to Grandpa's charm is a German Shepard dog.... for Major, my grandfather's dog who never left his side, who protected all the kids, and was probably the best-fed dog in the neighborhood.

I picked out individual charms for my grandparents' children....... for my Uncle L, whom I was named after and who died before I was born, there is a ballroom dancing charm. L was an award-winning dancer, the best dancer in a family that knew their way around a ballroom dance floor and hardly ever sat out a dance. The charm for my Uncle J is a picture-charm of Pearl Harbor.... he was killed there on Dec. 7, 1941, along with thousands of others. Uncle J died before I was born also, but his wife was part of the family always, never getting married again after J was killed.

There is a cardinal charm for my Aunt Dolly... she has always loved those birds and would watch for them out in the yard at my grandparent's house in Queens. Aunt Dolly saved every crumb of bread for the birds and would bring the crumbs out to the grass around the birdbath, then watch the birds eating and splashing... she could see them from the kitchen window. Whenever I see a bright red cardinal, I think of my Aunt Dolly... who (at 97 years of age) is still saving crumbs for the birds.

Next on the bracelet is an Oriental charm, with the symbol for happiness.... that charm is for my Aunt E, who died about four years ago. Aunt E loved everything and anything Oriental, and I think my own interest in Oriental furnishings comes from her. Aunt E's home was filled with exotic black lacquer and painted wood... so different from anything that the rest of the family had in their houses.

The next charm is for my dad..... it's a Jackie Gleason charm, the logo for the old "Honeymooners" television show...... Gleason's face is in a full moon. My dad loved that show, and we used to watch it together all the time when I was a kid, and we watched re-runs years later. My dad knew some of the dialogue by heart. Gleason was a NYC bus driver in that show, and that's what daddy did for a living, one reason he probably loved that show.

Next on the bracelet is a charm with a diamond on it... flat top, pointed bottom... looks like a gem fell out of an engagement ring and dropped onto the charm. That's for my Aunt Jaye, the Jewelry Queen of the family. She loves, loves, loves all kinds of pearls and diamonds and gold.... doesn't go anywhere without her jewelry on, to this day.

For my Uncle M, who passed away about six years ago, there is a miniature penny on a charm. Uncle M loved to collect coins, and he did that for more years than I can remember. He would buy our Halloween pennies and nickels from us, paying us twice what they were worth. All the kids in the family would look at the pile of pennies and nickels he was taking, then look at the paper money he gave us in return..... I don't think any of us thought we were getting a good deal. Somehow, the heavy pile of coins looked like it would buy more at the corner candy store than those thin dollar bills.

For my Uncle T, there is a bowling charm.... black bowling ball hitting a few pins. Uncle T lives in Arizona now, and he was a championship-winning bowler for years and years, both in NY and out in Arizona. His bowling days are over now... he quit bowling on his own, when he realized that he couldn't bowl well enough anymore to help his team win a championship. Uncle T said "No matter what you're doing in this world, you always have to know when you've had enough."

The last family charm is a little powder compact and lipstick tube, for my Aunt A. She was the youngest of my grandmother's children, a change-of-life baby, and much-spoiled by all of her older brothers and sisters. Aunt A loved lipstick and powder, and she was always experimenting with different lipstick colors. All of my other aunts had their "signature" colors, which never seemed to change, ever. With Aunt A, you never knew what color lipstick she would be wearing from week to week.

My grandparents passed away in the 1970s. Uncles Larry and Jimmy died before I was born. Within the last half a dozen years, Uncle Mino and Aunt Edie died. Daddy passed away two years ago now. Aunt Dolly is living in Florida with one of my cousins, Aunt Jaye still lives in the same home not far from the house my grandfather built, and Uncle Tony is in Arizona. And then there is Aunt A, who is now in Virginia, at the very end of her life. The youngest of the aunts and uncles, and the doctors don't know if she will live another day or another week.

Aunt Dolly is in Virginia now..... my cousin that she lives with drove her there just the other day. She is staying close to A's bedside, just holding her hand and telling her that she will soon be "with Mama and Papa." Aunt Dolly can't understand why she, at 97, is "still going strong even though I have wrinkles like an old lady." When we remind her that she really is an old lady, she tells us to "watch your mouth."

I told my cousin F that her idea of making a family bracelet was such a great thing to do. No matter what kind of family you have, it's still your family. It's where you came from, it's who you are, and what you have become, and none of that is subject for judgment. It is what it is. I look at this family bracelet and remember countless dinners and birthdays and parties and holidays, cousins and second cousins and third cousins...... There are six generations in this family. And it all started with my grandparents coming from Italy on a ship that landed them on Ellis Island, with nothing to their names except a tiny satchel and the clothes on their backs. They lived the American dream, sprinkled with Italian seasoning.