Trap this!

Okay, we're saying it: Uncle!

When my husband went out into the yard this morning, he found corn stalks torn right out of the ground and pulled away from the carefully constructed wood grid that he built to hold the stalks upright in the wind. Thirty dollars worth of wood, a couple of hours of my husband's time, all for nothing. And the ears of corn that my husband had duct-taped to the stalks (a la the Internet suggestions)... we found those silver circles of tape decorating the yard like cast-off holiday ornaments. Gives a whole new meaning to that song "Silver Bells...."

Okay, okay, okay! The raccoons win! Fresh corn is very cheap here at the Farmers' Market, and even at the local supermarkets. We don't need to be planting corn, watering corn, ooohing and aaahing over the cute little ears growing from the bright green stalks. We've come to the conclusion that it's just easier to drive to town and pay money for corn, rather than paying in peace-of-mind.

However..... my husband did go into town today to buy a raccoon trap. Bright silver shining trap that is now sitting next to the vegetable garden. And have I mentioned, by the way, that the night-time raccoons are also feasting our on zucchini plants? I haven't picked one of those myself, excluding the chewed-up ones that I've found on the ground. So much for my Italian Zucchini Pie recipe, with zucchini picked from our own garden.

My husband asked me what we should put inside the trap to lure the raccoons in there after dark. An ear of corn! What else? One of our neighbors loaned us his trap also, so now we have two traps out there, waiting to be baited after the chickens are in the coop and the cats are in the house tonight. This particular neighbor used to re-locate the trapped raccoons. Now he just takes a shotgun out of his closet and sends them to raccoon heaven. That method is not for us. My husband intends to drive the trapped raccoons over to a nearby town and set them loose near the lake. The raccoons should be quite happy there, with all the boating and swimming and camping-- no doubt they will be feasting on left-overs they can steal from the campgrounds. I hope the campers have fresh corn... otherwise, the raccoons might just find their way back here to our yard. Our neighbor tells us that raccoons can travel four miles to get back to the spot where they know food is waiting for them. How does he know this? Because before he took to using a shotgun, he would spray-paint the tails of trapped raccoons, to see if the same ones were coming back after he drove them away. Less than four miles, he'd see the same raccoons again with the neon-green painted tails. More than four miles, he never saw them again.

At the Farmers' Market this morning, my husband also bought a dozen eggs. Fresh eggs from a local chicken farmer who has more than 250 chickens on his property. (Definitely not a coop that I'd want to be cleaning up, I can tell you that.) Scarlett and Prissy are in their broody state, and Audrey doesn't lay eggs if it's too hot or too cold. Right now, only Mammy is laying eggs... one every day, with the exception being the recent rainy days when we had thunder and lightning. I have less than a dozen eggs in the fridge from our own hens, so I asked my husband so buy a dozen at the morning market. At just one or two dollars per dozen, for the freshest-of-fresh eggs, I stood there and calculated the work that goes into keeping our own four hens. A fifty-pound bag of chicken-feed, odd wallpaper rolls from the thrift shop to spread out underneath the roosting bar (makes morning clean-up easier), fresh water, stale bread, bits of leftover vegetables. Is is really worth having our own chickens when fresh eggs are so very cheap? Absolutely, without a doubt.

Honestly, what else would I be doing seventeen times a day if I didn't have to walk out to the coop with elbow-length oven mitts on to get both Scarlett and Prissy out of the nesting boxes when their little chicken-brains are telling them to hatch eggs that aren't there? This has been going on for nearly two weeks now, and I truly believe that those two hens are loving the extra attention. Plus, with the fresh corn that my husband buys at the Farmers' Market, the hens are getting the cobs after we have dinner, and they peck at those till there is nothing left on the cobs but air.

At one of the feed stores this morning, as my husband was looking at the traps for the raccoons, one of the salesmen told my husband that the female raccoons make "great pets." Y'all can train 'em to use a litter box, just like a cat. And I've trained mine to pry open the kitchen cabinets. And when we have neighbors come over that I don't want to be stayin' too long, I let the raccoons sneak up on 'em from underneath the sofa.... that little raccoon just gets right up there by their ankles and wraps their paws clear 'round their legs.... and just like that (with a snap of his fingers) the visitin' is over and y'all got y'alls house to yourselves again!

It's a lesson every day out here...... a blessed lesson every day.