Scorpion #5.

And just where was scorpion #5? In the bed. In our bed. In the master bedroom on the second floor. Unless scorpions can climb up stairs, I'm guessing that #5 fell through the air-conditioning vent and walked over to the bed and made himself warm and cozy underneath the comforter. Scorpions like warm and dark places to curl up in-- since we moved here, I haven't even put my shoes on before shaking them upside-down first. Our friend V in Clear Lake gave me that advice as soon as we told her we were moving up here.

I found #5 yesterday morning as I was making the bed. I had the comforter folded in half near the bottom of the bed and when I unfolded my side of it to pull it up, there was the scorpion. At first glance, it looked like a curled-up wad of brown thread. I learned a long time ago not to touch anything that looks like a bunch of threads. Then I put on my glasses and saw what it really was.

I was too stunned to run out of the room and get the hairspray from the bathroom-- I didn't want to lose sight of the scorpion because I didn't want him to burrow further into the bedcovers. So I took off my flip-flop, swatted him onto the floor-- he was still curled up and sleeping, so it was a surprise attack and he was a bit stunned himself.

It fell to the floor and curled its tail up at me, ready to sting. I stretched my arm out as far as it could go and swatted that thing about 38 times. Swat/swat/swat.... by the time I was swat/swat/swat done, the scorpion swat/swat/swat was dead enough, and so was my right shoulder. If I had stretched my arm out any further away from the rest of my body, it would have fallen on the floor right next to #5.

So now I had to get the scorpion off of the carpet... I got a paper cup from the bathroom and scooped him up into that, and held that cup at arm's length as I walked downstairs to find my husband. Look! Another one! This one was in the bed! The BED! (And don't think I was brave enough to scoop up that thing in one of those teeny little bathroom cups-- this was a large-sized paper cup.)

We spoke to our neighbors down the road yesterday afternoon...... I mentioned the scorpion problem. J told me that he's been swatting scorpions for all of his life.... that the last time he got stung was the summer of his 14th year, and he's 65 now and hasn't been stung since. He finds scorpions all the time..... just steps on them and keeps going. He said You need to remember that you're bigger than those little old scorpions. They're going to scatter away from you as quick as they can. Just step on them, make sure they're dead, and then get on with your life. Men.... so sympathetic. I will have to remember those words the next time I come across a man with the flu. "You need to remember that you're bigger than those bad old flu germs. Just blow your nose, take some Robitussin, have a cup of tea, and then get on with your life."

Of course, when I got into bed last night, I couldn't sleep. No matter how many times I told myself that the chances of another scorpion finding its way underneath the comforter two nights in a row were very slim, all I could think of was a bed filled with curled-up, sleeping scorpions. Tossed and turned all night long...... spent part of the night sitting up in bed with tears in my eyes, the other part curled up in a fetal position because I didn't want my feet too near the foot of the bed. And there was also a part of the night when I wanted to swat my husband with a pillow and yell out "How in the world can you just SLEEP?!"

This morning, my husband told me that there's nothing he can even say to make me feel better because it's all in my mind. And the rational side of me knows that. The emotional side of me knows that there are no scorpions in Alaska and maybe it wouldn't be as cold up there as I think it would be. Then again, there are bears up there. Always something.... it's always something.

So here it is..... all typed out, and hopefully out of my mind. Until scorpion #6 comes along. I am hoping that the chickens we get will be eating every last insect on our property. I will be very disappointed if they don't. My husband has to add just one more board to the gate of the coop-- yet another extra security measure against raccoons. He was going to finish it up this morning, but it's still raining. More rain... more water for the pond. More water outside so the scorpions don't have to come inside looking for a drink.

I told my friend J that I should look on Google and learn all about scorpions. I really don't want to call a pest-control company and have them spray their toxic stuff all around the house and property. I don't even know if that stuff would work on scorpions anyway. J told me that she had a mouse problem in her house on the other side of the hill here. She put down sticky-traps to catch them. Which got me to thinking that I could line up those sticky-traps all around our bed.... the scorpions would get stuck to those as soon as they tried to get anywhere close to the comforter in the middle of the night.

Maybe Google can tell me what I can use to keep the scorpions out of the house in the first place. An uzi might work.